Contrition
by BandicootMan
Summary: When your religion is your life, how can you give it up? Even if you're in love? Sora is performing in New York with his choir, when he unexpectedly meets Riku, his personal sin. RikuSora WIP


Part 1

**AN: For all you who thought i'd forgotten 'Stage Hands', you're very wrong. I'll be updating it soon, I promise! I just am not in a Stage Hands kinda writing style area-thingy...At any rate, this is the first half of Contrition. Enjoy!**

* * *

Riku sighed as he applied makeup to his face in preparation for the night awaiting him. The announcer would call him out, referring to him as "The Angel of the East," or something equally mysterious and inviting, and he'd walk out, his hips swinging to the sexy, pulsing music. He'd pretend to love each person in his audience, stupid men who thought that by fawning over him, they'd somehow be able to take him home. He'd smile, his audience's eyes following with each nimble movement. He'd take someone home after the show, silently praying that he wouldn't remember who it was by morning, already feeling disgusted with himself, but not being able to stop. With every passing movement underneath him, his mind would blur further, until it seemed like what he was doing was not only moral, it was necessary to his very existence.

Riku pulled on one of his tight-fitting leather boots, wondering if this life was really worth it. _'Could I live a normal life? Pack a suitcase, not a thong and matching bracelets?' _Riku shook his head. He'd never be able to go back to the life he'd had before. The boredom was one of the main reasons he had chosen such a drastic life change. However, some nights, tossing and turning on his thin sheets in his small apartment in the slums of New York, he dreamed about what his life would be like if he had stayed in New Hampshire…He shook his head, reminding himself that, no, he could never have stayed. It would've hurt too much. That's why he left to begin with.

A smooth, sexy voice intruded on his thoughts. "…And now, ladies and gentlemen, welcome the king of the shadows, the master of dark desires: Riku!" Riku replaced his contemplative grimace with a vapid, lustful grin.

Oo.oOo.oO

Sora stared out the window of the bus as his Catholic choir group pulled into the hotel parking lot. New York was a beautiful city. It was much better than the town they had stayed in Connecticut. It was true; where they had stayed was in the middle of absolutely nowhere, and the nearest attraction was an old ransacked public pool hall, devoid of any appealing characteristics. But here! Here, in New York City, it seemed as if Connecticut was worlds away, lost in the shadows of the dizzying towers and flashing lights. Sora wished he could stay forever, instead of the few short weeks they were scheduled to perform in. The five shows a week scheduling was quickly tiring Sora of his part in the choir. However, he was here, in New York, with the entire night off to explore, under "strict watch" from their group leader. As the doors opened, Roxas leaned over from across the aisle and whispered into Sora's ear.

"We're going to sneak off and check out the _real_ New York. Want to come with?" Sora nodded. He wondered what the "real" New York was. _'As if there's a fake New York.' _Sora got up and hoisted his suitcase out of the compartment above him and exited the bus, wanting to have a few minutes to get ready before departing with Roxas.

Oo.oOo.oO

Riku tied his hair into a ponytail as he prepared to leave _The Mouthful_. Riku used to find the double-entendre of the name amusing, but by now, the novelty of the name had worn off, and he merely found it to be an irritatingly clever title. Tonight had been tiring. The audience couldn't get enough of him. He had had to do _two_ encores. He shuddered at the thought of how many different strangers had touched him that night. That was still something that irked him; the endless stream of people who wanted to touch him, hold him, change him…

He grabbed his leather coat off of the chair in front of his mirror, and spotted Axel making his way out of the bar. "Hey, wait! Axel, wait up!" Riku ran towards the boy, happy to find at least one sincere face to talk to tonight. Axel regarded him with a warm smile.

"Hey, kid. What's up?" Riku pushed the cold, metal bar of the stage door and walked out into the darkness of the dank alleyway.

"Do I need an excuse to say hi?" Riku smiled, and was about to follow his friend onto the sidewalk, when something, no, some_one_, caught his eye. A figure was slumped over in a corner, by a dumpster. Axel prodded him with his elbow.

"Jeez, why do the bums always have to revolve around here?" The red-haired boy tried pulling Riku away, but Riku resisted.

"Wait…" Riku said in a far-off voice. "Something's not right. He doesn't _look _like a bum…" He walked over to the person, and lifted their chin with his index finger, to see a boy's face, too well dressed to be poor, and too adorable to be without a home on this frigid night. "I knew it." He turned towards Axel. "Hey, Axel? I think I'm going to take this one home." Axel raised an eyebrow.

"No. Riku, you _have _to be insane. Let him go. You're not taking a _hobo_ home with you." Riku nodded adamantly.

"Yes, I am. And I can do it with or without your help."

Axel put his fingers to his forehead, gently kneading away at his temples. "You sure, Riku? I mean, happens when he wakes up? What's he going to think?" Riku shrugged.

"We'll get to that when we get to it. But for tonight, he definitely needs a place to sleep. If we just leave him here, something bad could, and probably would, happen. And just look at him." He positioned the boy's face so Axel could see him. "How could you say no to a face like this?"

Axel nodded hesitantly. "Alright, but be careful. Remember, _he_ might end up being the crazy one." Riku smiled.

"I don't know…He'd have to be pretty damned crazy to top me. Here," Riku said as he attempted to lift the boy's body, "help me get him in the car." Axel walked over, and picked up the boy's legs, while Riku held up his torso, which was warm, and slightly firm. They walked him over and pushed him into and upright position in the passenger's seat. Riku glided the seat belt over his sleeping stomach, and made sure it was taught before giving Axel a thumbs-up. "Alright. I'm going to take off."

Axel nodded. "Alright. Just remember to call me if you need any help. I don't want to have to go down to any morgues and identify your dumb ass." Riku rolled his eyes as he got into his seat.

"Gee, thanks for your vote of support." Riku said as he turned on the ignition of his car. Axel smiled sardonically.

"Anytime, buddy." Riku rolled his eyes as he pressed down on the gas and sped off and into the heart of the red light district.

As he drove, Riku snuck peeks at his guest. The boy had thick, unruly cinnamon hair that flopped down lazily into his face. His cheeks were soft and doughy; he couldn't be older than sixteen. However, his frame was well-built, strong, but not coursing with muscles. Riku turned back to the road, embarrassed with himself for doing this. How dare he stare at someone he barely knew! Besides, he reminded himself, the boy was probably dumb as a bag of rocks. _'Anyone with a body that gorgeous has to be stupid…' _Riku thought before catching himself and concentrating firmly on the road, so much so that he missed his apartment building entirely. "Shit!"

Oo.oOo.oO

"Oh, my god, how could one little kid be so frigging heavy?" Riku mumbled to himself as he laid Sora down on his couch. The shirt he was wearing looked damp and cold. 'Probably from laying in the alley all night.' Riku sighed, resigned to his task. He peeled the slightly vomit-stained shirt off the boy, careful not to get the stains in the boy's hair. After wiping the boy's brow, which was beaded in cold, clammy sweat, Riku dropped the shirt in a pile of clothes that was taking residence in his hallway, before entering his bedroom. Quickly going to his dresser, Riku grabbed an old, well-worn t-shirt from a concert he had attended many years ago. It seemed to fit the boy's sense of style, so Riku grabbed a blanket to cover him and went back to check up on the youth.

"Here." Riku whispered as he pulled the shirt over the boy's messy mop of hair. Pulling the shirt out of the crevasses in the boy's arms, Riku couldn't help but notice how adorable the teen looked. Riku shook his head. _'It's far too late for me to be horny. I must be over-tired…'_ Covering the teen with the comforter, Riku felt assured that he wouldn't catch a cold from being in his drafty apartment. Riku turned the living room light off and returned to his room. He wiped his brow and flopped onto his bed, content for a bit of rest. However, as the image of another brunette entered his consciousness, he knew that it probably wouldn't be a comforting sleep.

_"Riku?" The brunette spoke as he ran his practiced fingers through Riku's silver hair. _

_"Yeah?" Riku asked, entwining his fingers with the boy's whose body was clearly showing the effects of after-sex glow. _

_ "Do you love me?" The brunette batted his eyelids, pretending to look cute, although, to Riku, pretending was wholly unnecessary. _

_ Riku laughed as he more-than-friendlily held the teen from behind. He pretended to think about it. "…Nah. I just use you for sex, mostly." He stuck his tongue out at his lover. The boy grabbed his ass from in front of him on Riku's blue, well-worn couch. _

_ "No, seriously, Riku. Do you love me? I want to hear you say it." Riku smiled affectionately at his lover. _

_ "Of course I do. I wouldn't be here with you, your first, if I didn't love you." He hugged the boy, allowing the brunette to fall asleep in his arms. As Riku began to fade into the void of sleep, his boyfriend's voice piped up, heavy with sleep. _

_ "Riku? Can I ask you a question?" Riku nodded, and replied just as sleepily. _

_ "Of course. Wha did you want to ask?" _

"Who the hell are you and where am I?" Riku lifted his head groggily to see the boy from the previous night holding a can of mace to his head. He flopped his head back on the pillow.

"So I see you're up." Riku said dazedly. The boy wore a confused look on his face.

"Where am I? Tell me now, you…kidnapper!" Riku halted his movements and looked at the boy. _'This kid really thinks I kidnapped him. Oh, boy, this'll be fun to explain…'_

"Do you remember what happened to you last night? Like, at all?"

The boy scrunched his face up, clearly trying to think. "I was with my friend, and then I lost him, and then…I don't remember anything…" The boy's expression suddenly went violent. "What did you do to me?!" He started hitting Riku, his blows not really hurting the silver-haired boy.

"Wait! Stop!" Riku said, grabbing hold of the boy's hands tightly. "Listen to me very closely. I found you last night, passed out in an alley. I took you home so you wouldn't freeze to death. Okay?" The boy visibly calmed down.

"Oh…." He offered a pathetic smile. "Thanks?" Riku smiled. When the boy wasn't incensed to girly-fighting, he was actually pretty cute.

"You're welcome." Riku picked himself up from the bed and extended his hand. "Name's Riku. And you are…?"

The boy shook his hand. "I'm Sora. So, do you normally make a habit of taking passed-out kids home, or was I special?" As Riku walked past the boy to grab his robe from the closet, he responded.

"Actually, I have an entire collection in my bathroom. Wanna see 'em?" He laughed at the grimace Sora made. "So, why did I happen to come across you passed out in the cold, damp alley?" The boy's glazed over, and then he jumped up.

"Oh, shoot! I've got to get back to the hotel! Now!" Riku raised an eyebrow, but nodded.

"Then let me take you back. I've got a car." Riku offered. _'You're too perfect to let go this quickly…'_

Sora tensed up a bit, but then nodded. "O-okay. Thanks a lot!" Riku nodded and smiled warmly at the boy. Shrugging off his robe, he went into the living room and grabbed his coat, pulling it over his shoulders. He opened his apartment door open and smirked seductively.

"Well? You coming?"

Oo.oOo.oO

"Oh! That's so _cool_!" Sora pointed to Rockefeller Center as if he'd never seen a skating rink before in his life. The scenery just kept whizzing by at a dizzying pace and with every passing building or theater or bistro, Sora found himself wanting to stay in New York for ever. His driving companion broke him out of his thoughts.

Riku said with a laugh, "Well, if I ever run into you again, I'll make sure to take you there. Although, with how excited you get, you might just explode." The mahogany-haired boy laughed embarrassedly.

"Can you tell I've never been in a big city like this before?" Riku nodded adamantly.

"Oh, yeah. You definitely have that 'I'm a tourist, please rape me' look on you."

Sora laughed. This boy was nice. For starters, he hadn't taking advantage of him while he had been passed out. That was always nice. Sora took a look at the boy. He was good-looking too…a dangerous voice went off in his head. _'You're not gay. You can't be gay. You're a Catholic choir boy. You're wholesome…'_ Riku's husky voice relieved Sora from his panicked musings. "So what brings you to New York in the first place, Sora?"

Sora sat back down into his car seat. "Oh! Take this next right! - No, not the left! - Ugh…Well," he started, after he had groaned in irritation to Riku taking the wrong street, "I'm in this choir group, and we got picked by this big touring company to do a bunch of theaters in New England for, like, a month, so we're staying in this big fancy hotel to do these shows, and it's pretty cool." He looked back out the window as they neared the hotel. The brick walls were perfectly maintained, and the sign said _The Ivy_ in nearly illegible handwriting. "Although, I wouldn't be surprised if I got pulled from the group for pulling that disappearing act last night."

Riku grimaced slightly. "Ouch. Dude, I'm sorry. If I knew you had somewhere to be, I would've driven you _there_." Sora shook his head.

"No, it's not your fault. How could you have known? Besides," he added as Riku pulled up in front of the hotel, "I had more fun with you that I ever would've lying in the alley." Riku smiled.

"Well, I'm certainly glad I rank higher than spending the evening in a cold, damp alleyway. I'll see you later, Sora." Sora stuck his tongue out, then smiled.

"See you, Riku." Sora closed the door and looked at the hotel and sighed, resigned to his fate.

As Riku drove off, he silently prayed that he would indeed see the boy. However, even as he did, little warning bells went off in his head. _'Get over him, Riku. You know he's just going to hurt you. Remember, you were just as innocent as Sora back then. And so was he…' _

--------

"Tell me again why I'd want to go to a gay club when I _work _in one every weeknight?" Riku shoved his hands as far down as he could in the tight leather pants Axel had lent him. He was going to some underground club that his companion had found, although he'd rather sit at home and read a book with a happy ending and a cup of cocoa.

Axel shrugged and smiled. "Because deep down, you know you love me and want to follow me wherever I go?" Riku rolled his eyes.

"That was a _long_ time ago, Axel, and you know that that was because I was confused and stupid. _Really_ stupid." Axel's eyes flashed with a sparkle of pain, but quickly returned to their normal casual glaze.

"Whatever. You know you just dumped me because you got tired of playing with me."

Riku responded indignantly. "Hold on, there. If I remember correctly, you threw a _lamp_ at me when I had to go to finals and you just 'wanted to cuddle', Mr. Over reactive." Axel tittered sadistically.

"Hey, it made _me_ feel better. If you didn't find it as calming, that's your problem, not mine. Hey, so what happened with that kid you picked up the other night?" Riku laughed, trying to hide his blushing cheeks under his leather jacket.

"It was...interesting. I'd swear he takes after you exactly. I woke up this morning to him hold a can of _mace_ to my head." Axel whistled, impressed. "Oh, shut up. So, not only does he have the same taste in sadism as you, but- get this- he's in a big famous choir that's touring New New England." Axel's eyes lit up, a boyhood giddiness taking up his expression.

"Really?" Axel turned to Riku as they walked, truly interested. "Where does he live?" Riku's eyes widened.

"Whoa, down boy. Do you really think I'd let you _talk_ to him, let alone know where the kid _lives_? I know you, Axel. You'd probably be stalking the boy from within five minutes of having the address."

Axel cocked his head. "…And? You have it, I want it. I will get it. Don't forget, the ends justify the means. Ah, here we are." Axel stopped in front of a run-down, graffiti-covered set of stairs that look more like it led into a crack house than a club.

Riku rolled his eyes as he climbed the stairs to the door. "Nice place. Who _does_ their designing? I'd love to give him an award." Riku said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Axel laughed and punched him on the shoulder as they entered the rundown building. "Oh, shut up and enjoy the party." Riku walked into the grungy doorway, greeted by flashing lights and a massive sea of undulating bodies. Riku smiled wryly as he joined his clansmen of flesh and seduction.

Oo.oOo.oO

Sora lay down on his bed, trying desperately to relax. The television in front of him was turned to The Weather Channel, which was about as boring as it got for Sora, and sleep was coming quick to him. After coming back to the hotel, Kairi had begun to chew him out for not coming home for curfew, but after learning that Sora had passed out and couldn't rightly come home on his own, she lightened up and told him that she would smooth things out with their group leader, Cloud, and to go lay down and get some rest.

As he began to drift off, Sora's mind came back to the boy who had dropped him off, and in the clarity that comes before the freedom of sleep, Sora's mind thought about how perfect Riku seemed on the trip to the hotel, how his hair seemed to glow in the morning sun, how every word he spoke seemed like poetry …

Oo.oOo.oO

Riku stumbled out of the club, grasping onto the doorway of the building for dear life. He didn't have the slightest clue as to who he had danced with, and whose taste was now on his lips. All that stayed in his mind was a flurry of light and sound, assaulting his senses. He ambled home, his dulled mind noting wryly how similar this seemed. It was true; he often had to get home by walking home drunk and wondering where the hell his friends were and remembering that the only friend he had left was Axel and the endless one night stands and falling asleep and waking up the next morning with a hangover with no one to hold him and he fumbled with the keys and opened the door and thought about Sora, and wanted to impulsively cry because he'd probably never see him again and he fell onto the bed and remembered New Hampshire and wanted to impulsively cry again, but he wouldn't because he was Riku and he was seductive and smooth, and his mind was spinning and aching and stilling and dimming and darkening…

Oo.oOo.oO

Sora fell, trying frantically to grasp for something, anything to save him. He could feel himself give into the darkness, could feel the evil seeping into his soul, could hear demons laughing maniacally from below, beckoning for him to fall, to join them in the pits of hell. As Sora was about to give himself up to the darkness that seemed to climb up from the fiery pits and envelope his heart, he felt himself fall into steady arms. He looked up to see the face of his savior, only to be blinded by the light of morning. As the world around him fell back into the oblivion of his mind, Sora caught a glimmer of silver, his silver-haloed angel…

Sora woke up with a gasp, golden light flooding his senses. Running his fingers through his hair, he thought about the dream that had just occurred. Part of his mind said wryly, _'You're a prophet now, are you?'_ to which another part retorted defensively, _'No, you aren't! You're not gay! You can't be gay! That boy is nothing compared to the love He can offer!'_ Sora put his hands to his temples to silence the barrage of question and comebacks. _'It is _far_ too early to be this mentally unstable…'_ Sora got out of bed and walked across the hotel hallway to Roxas' room, needing an excuse to escape from his thoughts. He knocked on the door quietly and whispered, "Roxas? You up?"

There was a rustling of fabric, then a pause, before Roxas opened his hotel room's door. "Sora?" He said slightly groggily, but after a moment, his cerulean eyes lit up and his voice carried no trace of his previous fatigue. "Sora! What's up?" Sora smiled.

"Hey, Roxas. Umm, do you mind if I borrow a shirt for the concert today? I got some stains on mine." Roxas lifted an eyebrow, but nonetheless nodded happily.

"Sure! C'mon in." The blonde beckoned Sora and opened the door for him. Roxas' room was, in a word, a wreck. For someone who had only been living there one day, the room looked like he had lived in it his entire life. The sheets were tossed about in a way that made Sora wonder what Roxas did while in bed alone. A t-shirt was slung haphazardly over the only lamp in the room. Sora sat down on the bed, half-afraid that it would gobble him up while Roxas searched through his suitcase for a dress shirt. Just as Sora became sure he had felt something move under the comforter, Roxas jumped up from across the room, shirt in hand. "Here you go!"

Sora smiled. "Thanks, Roxas."

Roxas returned the smile. "No problem. Think of it as an apology for…" His eyes lost their youthful glow for a moment. "…For losing you last night. I _am_ really sorry, Sora."

"Oh, please. It was nothing. Think of it as if it never happened." Sora walked towards the door. Just as he was about to exit the room, Roxas called out to him.

"Sora! Wait!" Sora turned around, hesitantly, wandering with some trepidation if he'd have to sit back on the bed from hell.

"Yeah?" Roxas looked at him, eyes unreadable.

"After the concert tonight, would you like to go to an art gallery? I wanted to make up for last night, and there's this fancy artist who does stuff that you'd love, and I managed to snag an invite to his art opening." Sora smiled, excited.

"Really? That'd be awesome! Oh, you're the best, Rox!" Roxas blushed a bit, to Sora's confusion.

"Cool. So, I'll catch up with you after the show." Sora nodded, and headed out of the room, wondering why Roxas acted like such a schoolgirl around him, and why he had chosen to invite _Sora_ to the art opening, instead of Kairi, who was the obvious candidate for "hot date" out of the crowd. Sora paled. _'…Date?' _

_------ _

Riku woke, the morning light making his eyes ache. A left-over taste remained in his mouth, a whirlwind of thoughts and pain mingling in his mind. It was as if the alcohol had embedded itself into every memory, every single thought he had ever had, and was making them hurt him. Except one.

_Sora stared out the window of the car, eyes adamantly fixed on Rockefeller Center, amazed by the flashing lights. Riku sat in the driver's seat, watching the road, quite happy to just be alive today. He stole a look at the Sora just as the boy turned around to look back at him. Riku took one look, and almost crashed the car. The boy's eyes were full of light, as if he himself were full of the light and warmth of the sun, evoking a warm feeling in Riku that he thought had died long ago. This complete stranger made him feel like he didn't have to be anything to be happy. It was a feeling he needed to survive. _

Riku groaned. How could he let such a kind, beautiful boy slip through his fingers? He was now forever cursed with this perfect image burned in his mind. He looked at the blank canvas across from his bed he had yet to start, leaning up against his dresser. He looked at the bottle of Tylenol, and the digital clock that read "12:53." _'I've got six hours…'_

Riku grabbed the bottle of pills and a bottle of water from beside his bed. "Fuck it."

Oo.oOo.oO

Sora looked at himself in Roxas' mirror. "I don't look too dressy, do I?" Roxas looked up at him from his bed.

"You look perfect, Sora." Roxas said hesitantly. Sora raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. Something was wrong with Roxas, but whatever it was, it could wait until after the art showing. So Sora simply nodded and smiled.

"Cool." Sora pulled at his shirt collar. "But this shirt is killing me! I don't care if it looks cool, I'm changing." Sora grabbed a black t-shirt from Roxas' dresser and unbuttoned his shirt. As he pulled the t-shirt over his head, he could hear Roxas release a large amount of air. _'He's sighing!…'_ As he straightened out the shirt, he smiled warily at Roxas, his mind swimming. Sora opened, the door, forgetting his coat in his haste. "So, shall we?"

Oo.oOo.oO

The bus was cold and provided no solace for Sora to relax in. Even so, the windows lessened his thoughts, simplifying them to watching the buildings and cars pass by. Every now and then the bus would stop for people to get on and off, and Sora would try to ignore the woeful looks that Roxas was sending him. It would not do Sora well to dwell on such thoughts. That voice in his head that reassured him that he _would not_, _could not_ be gay had been cropping up more and more often recently. It was so bad that there were times now when he had to scream to make the voices stop. It was almost as if he needed to constantly keep this heterosexual guard up, or else some guy might get in. Roxas' hand on his shoulder broke him out of his dangerous train of thought. "Sora? We're here." The imperceptible, diplomatic grin returned to Sora's face, masking his inner torrent.

"Awesome! Let's go." Sora and Roxas maneuvered through the sea of pedestrians and off the bus, into the New York night. Sora looked into the gallery, a beautiful-looking building, painted in black and white to accent the artwork. The people inside all looked like they belonged in a movie, some crisp film noir with a sappy ending. Everything about or near the gallery was stunning. Sora walked in with Roxas, although as far as Sora was concerned, Roxas wasn't even there. A man walked up to them, carrying a platter of glasses filled with an unknown liquid.

"Red wine?" Sora hesitantly took a glass, although Roxas took a glass with no trepidation at all, and looked as if he were about to take a second, were it not for the fact that the man walked away, offering drinks to another couple. Roxas looked dejected for a moment, before noticing a table in the corner of the room. He prodded Sora.

"Sora? I'm going to head over to buffet. Will you be alright on your own?" Sora turned to answer the blonde, but he was already off, the scent of food leading his feet. Sora shrugged and began to circulate, sipping his wine slowly as he went. The pieces were beautiful, each stroke seeming to carry its own emotion. Sora stared at one particular painting for a very long time, knowing that despite its simple emotion, it was full to the brim with sentiment. It was the moon; showing clearly through a hazy, pitch black sky. It seemed to fuel the adage that a picture was worth a thousand words. It was so harshly stunning, all other thoughts left Sora's mind. A voice shattered this perfect clarity.

"What do you think of the art?" Sora turned his head, expecting Roxas, but happily seeing Riku instead.

"Hi!" He smiled warmly at the other boy. "Hmm… Well, I think it's all very beautiful, but most of it seems like the artist was afraid to finish, like they were afraid of what would happen if they actually perfected any of them." Riku smiled and grabbed Sora's hand.

"C'mere, I want to show you a piece I found." He pulled Sora along, his hand shaking slightly in the younger boy's grip. They finally arrived at the spot Riku wanted to go to. When Sora looked at the piece, he was utterly awestruck. It was a portrait of him, as if the painter had known him all his life. He dragged his eyes across the painting, memorizing each inch that he could. The strokes were long and curling, every contour perfectly mapped. But his eyes…they were so heart-wrenchingly perfect. Sora's voice caught in his throat as he tried to speak.

"It's…It's so perfect. His eyes, they're so haunting…"

Riku smiled, soft claret appearing on his cheeks. "That was my favorite part to do." Sora looked at Riku, almost unbelievingly.

"You? You're the artist?" Riku nodded, his eyes imperceptible. Sora gulped down the rest of his wine, unable to allow another thought to emerge. Riku took his glass.

"I'm…I'm going to get you another one of these. Okay?" Sora nodded, not trusting his voice to speak for him. As Riku walked away, Sora's mind came back from its numbed pause. _'Run! He's going to hurt you! You know you're not gay, you know he is! You know what could happen! You've seen these a hundred times in the newspaper…'_ Riku returned, and Sora silenced his thoughts. Riku handed Sora a glass of wine.

"Sora? Would you like to get out of here?" Sora fingered his drink as he took another swig, loving how his mind's protests were dimmed and slurred by the drink.

"Shouldn't you stay here?" _'Please, don't leave me alone with my thoughts…'_

Riku scoffed. "Half these people don't even know I'm the artist, and the other half is too stoned to care. Let's go." Sora smiled and nodded.

"Okay." Riku pulled him out the door, back into the cold, dark night of the city. Sora gaped at the unbelievable beauty of the sky. After coming out of the gallery, every sight seemed like a portrait, every statement a sonnet, every sound a symphony. Especially Riku. One look at him, and the rest of the world melted away, as if any other sight would take away from his haunting beauty. The boy truly was perfect, his silver hair accenting his sad, unforgettable eyes. Sora smiled at him, and started walking down the road. "So, tell me, where are we going, Riku?"

Riku shrugged. "No where in particular. We're just walking." Sora nodded, understanding what he meant, but at the same time, completely puzzled. _'Maybe it just doesn't matter anymore…'_ He shivered. Riku looked at him, sad eyes full of compassion. "You cold?" Sora shivered again and nodded. Riku unzipped his leather jacket and put it around Sora's shoulders, like a teenage football player would his cheerleader girlfriend. _'Jeez, why am I acting like such a _girl_?'_ Riku started to wrap his arm around Sora's shoulder, which provided a sharp rap to his senses. _'You're not gay, and you never can be!' _Sora pulled away, some part of him deep inside wishing he hadn't.

"Sorry, I don't swing that way." Sora said, the voice in his head congratulating him. Riku shrank away from him, looking to the ground.

"Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't…that was stupid. I shouldn't have done that. Please don't go away." He looked up at Sora, his sad, lucid eyes illuminated by the light of the moon. _'Please don't leave me. I don't know what I'd do without you…'_

Sora smiled reassuringly, although the voice inside him was screaming at him to ignore this love struck faggot. "Don't worry. We all make mistakes." _'Mine is that I'm falling for you…' _Sora shook his head, alarmed at that last thought. _'What am I thinking? I'm not gay! He does nothing for me! I should be in love with Kairi! What am I doing here?' _He shook all thoughts from his head, desperately seeking an escape from the whirlwind of confusion that was quickly welling in his mind. "So, are you finally going to tell me where we're going?"

Riku laughed. "Just look!" Sora looked ahead of where they were, and grinned widely. Rockefeller Center stood before them, lit up as if the night was waiting for the two to them to arrive. "Do you want to skate? Or just watch and talk?" Sora thought about it for a moment.

"Can we just sit down? I'm feeling a bit dizzy as is. I usually don't drink much." Riku nodded happily, and led them to a table by the side of the rink. Sitting down, Sora tried starting a conversation. "So, what do you do when you're not painting portraits of complete strangers?" Riku's self-confident grin slid off his face slowly. He averted his eyes, seemingly fixated on a piece of stray garbage.

"I do what I have to to survive." Sora's eyes widened.

"You don't…sell yourself, do you?" Riku looked back at him and laughed wryly.

"I guess you could say that. I strip in gay clubs on weeknights. That's how I found you in the alley. I was coming out." He laughed at his own joke. "I don't mean I was coming _out_ out, but I was coming out of the club. I guess my thinking is, it makes good pay, and I'm never bored." Sora raised an eyebrow.

"What? Why? I mean, I saw your work, and you don't _talk_ like any stripper _I'd_ ever think of." Riku nodded in agreement.

"Well, I lived up further north for a while after I got out of high school, near my parents, but in my own apartment. And I started a life there. And I went to work every day, and I went to college every day, and I was happy…" Riku stared off into space for a bit, as if he had uncovered a secret in his mind that he never truly wanted to remind himself of. He cleared his throat. "…Anyway, eventually I got tired of working day and night, and coming home, and not feeling fulfilled in my life. I got bored. So I moved out here after my junior year and joined the 'Mouthful's group of strippers." He rolled his eyes contemptuously at the name, "And now my job is to look pretty and dance for all the desperate boys." Sora looked at him, mouth agape.

"But…but, don't you ever wish that you could go back and…I don't know…do something better than this?" Riku merely shrugged.

"I guess. But for now, I'm happy with my life. It's a bit vapid, I'll admit, but like I said before, It's good pay, and I get to have an audience." Sora sighed.

"I guess that's a bit better. But--" Sora's words were cut off by Riku.

"Sorry, but I'm dying to get a hot cocoa. Do you want anything?" Sora shook his head. As Riku walked away, Sora turned his attention to the skaters in the rink. Even with his tipsy, blurred vision, they were still graceful and beautiful. And so fragile, as if the slightest action could change their courses and create a disaster. Sora wondered why he was here, why he wasn't back with Roxas at the art gallery stuffing his face. What was it that had changed his course so drastically?

His line of thought was thrown off by Riku returning with two Styrofoam cups full of cocoa. He handed one to Sora, who accepted the cup without protest. Riku smiled as he sat down. "I _knew_ you'd want one."

"So, where were we?" Sora asked as he sipped his cocoa slowly.

Riku gestured toward him with the cup. "You were about to tell me why my life isn't a proper one." Sora poked him indignantly.

I was _not_! I was just going to say that if you asked me, I'd say you'd make more money off of your body as a model. I mean, just _look_ at you. You're meant to be in a catalogue, if not a centerfold." Sora immediately regretted his words, as a suggestive smirk appeared on Riku's lips.

"Really?" Sora mentally groaned. _'Here it comes…'_ "You think I'm good-looking?" Sora, despite objections from all sides of his mind, blushed a deep wine red.

Riku's expression grew a bit more serious. "Do you?" He asked, hopeful disbelief filling his words.

Sora sighed. _'Ah, screw it. I'm drunk, and he's a complete stranger who I'll never see again. Who knows, maybe he can help with getting these feelings out of my system.'_ Sora shrugged and nodded. "I guess I do. I guess I sometimes find a lot of guys attractive. I don't know. It doesn't really matter anyway." Sora took another sip of his cocoa, wishing nothing more than that the ground would suddenly just pop open and swallow him up.

Riku shook his head, setting his cup down. "Of course it matters. It matters if you're _happy_."

Sora laughed sardonically, putting his cup on the table as well. "Happy? _Happy_? I'm in a church choir. A _Catholic_ Church choir! And now I think I'm _gay_? How can I ever be happy? Do I even know if I'm gay? No! I'm 18, and I'm confused, and…and…I don't know. Sometimes, I'm dreaming, and I'll dream I'm truly happy. I'll dream I'm in some city; it doesn't matter where, as long as I'm not _fucking _home." Sora covered his mouth, but quickly removed his hand again. "_Oh_, it felt good to swear for once. Anyway, I dream I'm somewhere else, and I'm living a life, and I don't answer to anyone, and I don't ask permission for every little thing. And I'm _happy_. And then I wake up." Sora sighed deeply.

"I always wake up. And then I remember that I'll never be truly free. And I'll never be truly happy. And I'll never, _ever_, be gay. Because when I wake up, I'll always remember that _this_ is who I am, and always will be. I'll always be the cute Catholic boy that is everyone's fantasy, but nobody's lover. _That_ is who I was meant to be, and who I'll be forever."

Riku looked at Sora, who was by now trembling. He reached over the table and held Sora's hands in his. "You don't have to be _anything_ you don't want to be." He leaned in and kissed Sora slowly, sure the boy would pull away, but pleasantly surprised when he didn't. Sora sighed choppily, his mind fogged up with alcohol and confusion. Oh, how good it felt to release his inhibitions for once. The feeling of Riku's lips on his sent shockwaves rolling up and down his spine, making his toes curl underneath the table. He felt Riku slip his tongue into his lips, which jolted his mind back into itself. _'Oh, my GOD! WHAT am I DOING?!' _Sora ripped his lips away from Riku's violently, tipping over his cup of cocoa and burning his arm. Tears were welling in his eyes, and he didn't really care about them being there.

Sora groaned loudly, not noticing that skaters were slowing and watching his violent outburst. "Why? Oh, fuck!" He touched his lips hesitantly, pointing at Riku. "You! God DAMN you! Why?! Why did you have to _kiss_ me! Why do you have to make me feel the way I do? Why couldn't you just leave me ALONE?" Sora ran, tears stinging his eyes as they fell to the cold winter ground. Riku sat at the table, tremors running through him at both what he had just done, and what he had just caused. _'I knew this was going to happen. So, why does it still hurt so much?…' _

Oo.oOo.oO

Sora found himself in the darkness of night, surrounded by faces he didn't know…or did he? There was a splash of silver, a hint of violet tucked away into the shadows. A face finally revealed itself; Riku ran out of the shadows, pushing Sora down, but then immediately pulling him back up again. But when Sora faced him again, the face had changed. Now, before him stood Kairi, her simple smile caved in at the middle. The disturbing effigy swung him around, pulling him in an almost painful waltz. As the dance neared a dizzying pace, the figure changed again; now Roxas stood before him, cerulean eyes glimmering as he pulled Sora down into the darkness. As Sora's face submerged the shadows, the figures all spun around him, almost taunting his inability to move against the dark ties that bound him. Sora gasped, pulling life into his empty lungs.

Sora woke, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead. He groaned; his head was throbbing and his heart was racing at a dizzying pace. He looked around, confused as to where he was. Clothing was draped over a lamp, blocking much light from seeping through. Roxas was slumped over on an armchair. Sora thought, horrifyingly, for a moment that he had slept with Roxas the night before. However, the confusion subsided and was replaced by anxiety as he recalled the events from the previous night.

_ There was a sharp rapping at Roxas' door, waking the blonde from his peaceful sleep. He picked his head up from his pillow, wondering distantly who it could be. He got out of bed, dragging his feet across the floor and opening his bedroom's door, unprepared for the sight before him. Sora lifted his head and looked at Roxas with the striking blue eyes that made him want to melt into a puddle; but, these weren't the eyes he was used to. Their perfect cerulean irises were clouded, bloodshot. Sora spoke to him shakily, like a child who had been abandoned and left for dead. _

_ "R-Roxas? C-can I spend the night? Please? I don't want to be alone. I'm cold, a-and--" he rubbed at his eye before continuing, "It's just been a very…long night." Roxas pulled Sora towards him, feeling slightly guilty for letting himself give into his needs so easily, but what was he to do? He enfolded Sora in a simple, friendly hug, before pulling open the covers of his bed and pulling out a chair from the wall. _

_ He tucked Sora in, and grabbed the Beanie Baby that he kept hidden in his bag for those very bad nights that he felt homesick and depressed. Tucking Sora into the bed, he handed the boy the teddy bear and wiped his cold brow. "Night, Sora." He considered kissing the boy on the forehead, but in Sora's intoxicated state, things could very well progress beyond Roxas' mental capabilities. He collapsed into the arms of the stiff hotel chair, slowly falling back into slumber. _

Sora groaned, knowing he'd have to explain to Roxas how he ended up wet and drunk in the first place. He tried to think about his dream, and what it could possibly be, but his slight hangover denied him that. He groaned again, exasperated at his confusion at the early hour. He grabbed his jacket off of a chair in Roxas' room, and tiptoed out, amazed that the boy was still asleep after all the ruckus Sora had made. As he made his way down to the lobby, Sora contemplated where he was going. An answer came to him as quickly as he question had. _'Anywhere but here.'_ He walked onto the sidewalk and continued walking until the busy tourist-oriented streets gave way to less busy, simple park pathways.

Sora sat down on a black metal bench, glad there was a place for him to sit and think, although he wasn't sure if it would do any good to think about the matter any more. Instead, he just sat and stared off into space, listening to the faint sounds of life in the park. A child laughing, a cricket chirping every now and again. A voice broke Sora out of his trance. "Hey, don't I know you?" Sora looked up at whoever was talking to him. It was a man dressed in a leather jacket and blue jeans, red hair pointing out of the top of his head. Sora scratched at his head, absently wondering how much money a day the man racked up in buying hair gel.

"Erm…I don't know. Did you see me on Sunday? At the concert, maybe?" The man's light green eyes lit up and he grinned widely.

"I _do_ know you! You're Riku's friend! The kid who was passed out outside the club!" Sora groaned and buried his face in his palms. He could hear the man sit down next to him on the bench. "Oh, boy. I know _that _sound. What happened?"

"I made the biggest mistake of my life." Sora said through his jeans. Axel looked at him, eyes glazing over, as if trying to decide something. Finally, he spoke.

"Um, listen. If you want to talk about it with someone, I know this nice little café where we can get some coffee or something." Sora nodded.

"Sure." Axel smiled widely.

"Cool." Getting up off the bench, he took Sora's hand and picked the boy off his feet and pulled him into his stride. Sora looked at the man again.

"Say, you never told me your name." The man looked at him with a surprised look.

"Riku didn't tell you? Name's Axel. Commit it to memory, kid. 'Cause I only tell people once." Sora nodded. Axel looked back to the path in front of him. "Here it is." He led Sora into a smallish building with a counter and several comfy-looking chairs, lit by red-tinted lamps above. Sora went up to the counter. "Excuse, me? Could I have a chamomile tea, please?"

The cashier looked at him funny for a moment, as if wondering if he was making a joke, then nodded, "Alright, but Jesus, kid, you don't have to be so courteous. I mean, it's _your_ money." Sora blushed. He was about to pull out his wallet, but Axel stopped him.

"Nuh-uh. Riku did something to you, and whatever it was, it was probably bad enough to allow me to treat you to a cup of tea." Sora was about to protest, but instead went and sat down in a soft indigo chair that was shaped in the form of a hand. He thought about that night again, how dulled his senses had been, but how even so, Riku's kiss had affected him so deeply. Against his will, he felt a familiar tingling awakening in his groin. Axel showed up in time to stop Sora's fantasies from going too far. He handed Sora a cup of tea as he went to retrieve a chair.

Axel pulled up a pair of lips to sit on as he spoke. "So, what did our dear, stupid Riku do this time?" Sora laughed slightly, staring distantly into his cup of tea, watching the liquid swirl around in the porcelain glass.

"He kissed me." He choked on his words as a tear joined the hot tea. "And I kissed him _back_." Axel looked at him expectantly.

"…And?" Sora looked up, distraught. Didn't he _get_ it?

"No, you don't understand, I kissed him _back_." Axel looked at him oddly before realization came to him.

"Oh, I get it. You're--the whole 'I'm a Catholic, bla-de-bla-de-bla thing." Sora nodded slowly. Axel smiled. "If I were you, I wouldn't let it get to me. Let me let you in on a little secret. In the grand scheme of things? Religion - it isn't all that important. I mean sure, it makes for some fucking _great_ music, but aside from that, who you bow to or rejoice around or whatever isn't as important as your living. Get it? Live." He grinned. "And as for the whole Riku dilemma, well…you know what, _I'll_ deal with that. The boy just has that effect on people. We don't know why. People just fall in love with him willy-nilly. It comes with his job requirements." Sora laughed at that. "See, there's a smile."

Sora took a sip from his cup of tea. "Hey, Axel?"

Axel looked back up from his coffee. "Hmm?"

"Did you ever notice, that in the right light, Riku kind of looks like an angel?" Axel laughed heartily.

"Oh, you are one confused little boy. Alright, I'll be the first to say it. That boy," he shuddered as if he was describing a fantastic dinner he had had, "can just be heaven and hell at the same damned time. But don't let him know that I said that. He thinks I'm over him. Idiot." Sora gaped.

"_You_ went out with him?" Axel nodded. "What happened?" Sora was amazed that Axel could be with Riku and not stay with him forever.

Axel shrugged. "We were hormonal. I was a _little_ bit clingy." Sora raised an eyebrow. "Okay, I was a lot clingy. He overreacted, I got angry, we had fucking fantastic breakup sex, and that was it. For a couple months, things were a little awkward, but hey, when aren't things awkward when love's involved, right?" Sora smiled and nodded. "Alright, kid. Your counselor's going to kill you if you don't show up at that hotel. I'm driving you home." Sora stilled his motions, surprised.

"How did you know I'm staying at a hotel?" Axel blushed, laughing and ruffling his hair.

"Well, you know, it's a funny story…why don't we go to the car now?"

Oo.oOo.oO

Sora walked into his room; completely unsuspecting that Kairi would be standing there, hands on her hips, waiting for him impatiently. As he set his jacket down, she pointed at him accusingly.

"You! You are such an _idiot_!" Sora backed away, half-afraid she would start throwing things at him. "How could you keep us so worried _again_? I'm—argh!" She groaned loudly. "So help me God, I will beat you to a pulp if you don't get changed _right now_."

Sora was quick to follow this threatening advice. He quickly shed his sweater and pulled on his dress shirt. As he buttoned up the shirt, he looked at his bed. Kairi was sitting there, staring daggers at him, looking as if she desperately wished looks could kill. "You know, Kairi, you can go now." Her menacing eyes softened, a slight blush appearing on her cheeks.

Kairi coughed awkwardly, trying to suppress a giggle that threatened. "Sorry, Sora." She began to head for the door. A voice cropped up in the back of Sora's mind as he noticed the surprisingly girlish turn Kairi's actions had become in such a short space of time. _'What if this _is_ the way it should be? How will I know what I like if I never try, right?'_ He cleared his throat.

"Kairi?" Kairi turned around at the doorway.

"Yeah?" Sora gulped, almost afraid about what he was about to ask.

"Do you like me? I mean, like, _like_ like?" Kairi looked at him strangely, almost as Axel had that morning, but quickly her confused eyes filled with a soft passion.

"Sora, you're not messing with me, are you?" Sora shook his head. "Well, I guess…" She giggled, "I mean, yeah!" Sora smiled, although something told him this didn't feel like it should. However, the dominant side of his brain won out, telling him to press onward.

"Would you…" Sora hesitated for a moment, "…would you kiss me?" Kairi blanched. Quivering, she bit her bottom lip, looking very much as if her brain was about to detonate with the amount of confusion Sora was giving her. Still shivering, she nodded, and pressed her lips to Sora's. The kiss was a little odd though, because Kairi missed Sora' mouth by half an inch, so it felt more like she was an aunt coming for Thanksgiving dinner. After repairing their bond and enjoying the lack of space between them, Sora pulled away, eyes half-lidded as he'd seen in all the movies. He looked at Kairi for a moment, admiring the simplistic beauty of her face, before laughing uncomfortably. Kairi head towards the door, a deep red coloring her complexion.

"You'd better hurry up, or else you're going to be late, and Cloud _will_ kill you, and I _will_ laugh." Sora laughed as he pulled his dress pants out of their hanger.

Oo.oOo.oO

Sora ran into the backstage area, throwing his jacket onto he floor in his haste. Quickly lining up behind Roxas, he saw the choral leader, Cloud, looking up from helping another teenager with his cufflinks. "So glad you could join us, Sora. So, how many phone calls do I have to make to your parents?" Sora blushed deeply and looked intently at his shoes.

"None, sir." Roxas snickered in front of him. Cloud nodded, finally getting the child's sleeves righted.

"See that I don't." Cloud looked as the house lights dimmed, and all attention focused on the stage. He whispered. "All right, everybody, try your best, and Sora, try to drag out that long note right after the intro in 'Ave Maria', but don't _squeak_ so much this time. You know the one I mean, right?" Sora nodded. Roxas sniggered in front of him. As they walk toward the curtain to go onstage, Sora stepped on the back of Roxas' shoe, before lining up and beaming at the audience, masking his inner confusion. He could hear Cloud droning on about how difficult it was for a young choral group to pull such a beautiful set of pieces together, and everything else that gave them more credit than they deserved. Finally, Cloud told them to enjoy their evening, which was their cue.

The intro to 'Ave Maria' began on the grand piano. Sora stepped out in front of Roxas and began his solo, intertwining his voice with Franz Schubert's expert keystrokes. The music made him think. _'Would Mother Mary forgive gays? Is it really such a crime? Can I be gay? I mean, that kiss wasn't really that good. I was just drunk. Kairi's was much better.' _His mind revolted at that thought. _'No, it wasn't! You know it wasn't!'_ Kairi's kiss had been so innocent and pure, but Riku's kiss had been powerful and all-knowing, and remembering the way Riku's hand felt through his hair still sent shivers up and down his spine. Sora sang out louder, trying to mask his quivering voice with a powerful crescendo. As his solo ended, Sora stepped backward, joining the rest of the group again, determined to focus on singing until it was appropriate to think about that sort of thing.

Riku wouldn't have it any other way than perfect.

Oo.oOo.oO

_Ave Maria, gratia plena,_

_Dominus tecum;_

_benedicta tu in mulieribus,_

_et benedictus fructus ventris tui, Jesus._

_Sancta Maria, Regina coeli,_

_dulcis et pia, o Mater Dei,_

_ora pro nobis peccatoribus,_

**_ut cum electis te videamus. _**

Oo.oOo.oO

"Did you _hear_ yourself? You were _awesome_!" Roxas kept talking and talking, while Sora lay on his bed. And naturally, the conversation had turned to his performance at the matinee. "…I'd swear the people in the front row were crying!" Sora closed his eyes, wondering what Riku was doing now. Maybe getting ready for a gig, stepping out of the shower, changing into a tight pair of red leather pants… "Hello? Sora?" Roxas waved his hand in front of Sora's face to get his attention. Sora sat up on the bed, slightly irritated and relieved to be wakened from his daydream.

"What is it, Riku?" Sora gasped sharply, irritated with himself for letting Riku's name slip. A bemused smirk formed on Roxas' face.

"Riku? Who's Riku?" Sora blushed.

"Just…someone I met. They took me home when I got lost the other night." The smile fell off of Roxas' face.

"You mean the night I left you by yourself." Roxas sat down next to Sora, he face tilted downward. Sora frowned. Hadn't he told Roxas to forget that?

"Hey, now. I told you, that was no big deal, so no worries…" he lifted Roxas' head up. His tear-stained cheeks tried desperately to crack open a smile so as to stop Sora's worries, but failed terribly. "…Roxas? What's wrong?" Roxas shook his head.

"It's nothing…it's stupid." Sora hugged him from the side, wrapping his arms around the boy's chest.

"Nothing you could ever say would be stupid to me." Roxas did crack open a smile at that, as if his mood weighed entirely on Sora's words.

"Sora, you'd never betray my trust, would you?"

Sora shook his head, slight worry clouding his eyes. "Never. But, Roxas, what's all this about?" Roxas beamed up at him, eyes glittering with tears.

"I'm in love." Sora smiled. "I'm head over heels. But…"

Sora cocked his head. "But what?" Roxas sniffled up some phlegm.

"But he'll never figure it out."

Sora looked at Roxas confusedly for a moment, before realization hit him like a ton of bricks. "Me?" His voice was barely above a whisper. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me." He took his hands off of Roxas and sunk his face into them. How could yet another boy confuse him so much so quickly? Sora groaned. "Oh, Roxas. Why?" Roxas simply sat on the bed quivering, looking as if he might start bawling like a 6 year old.

Roxas voice quivered to the point where his words were almost unintelligible as he ran out the door. "So much for t-trust." He ran out, forgetting his jacket. Sora grabbed out to reach him, but missed.

"Roxas! Wait!" Sora groaned again, grabbed his jacket and wrapped it around himself as he headed out the door, still in full concert dress.

Oo.oOo.oO

The city was different at night. Every building was lit up beautifully, a symphony of light and sound. However, with Roxas missing, Sora simply ran by without paying attention to the lights, or for that matter, the passersby. People scoffed indignantly as Sora rushed past them, praying desperately for an omen or some kind of sign from above. As he passed by a sign, he slowed, knowing that this was the sign he had been waiting for.

Sora silently thanked whoever thought it was a good idea to put up wall advertisements for Central Park. He slowed as he saw Roxas sitting on the very bench Sora had been not too many hours earlier, his world clearly crashing all around him. As Sora approached, Roxas turned his back on him.

Through tear-crowded lips, Roxas spoke. "Go away, Sora. Please…" His voice trailed off as Sora began to trace circles in his back with his hand.

Sora spoke in a soft, gentle tone, trying to calm Roxas down as far as he could. "Shh…I'm so sorry, Roxas." He sat down behind the blonde, still rubbing his back softly. "I didn't mean what I said. I just wasn't ready for it. I'm fine with whatever choices you make." Roxas sniffled in front of him. Sora wrapped his arms around the blond, holding his convulsing body close. "Can you ever forgive me?" Roxas turned around, looking into Sora with those soft cerulean eyes, trusting and kind.

"Of course I can." He hugged Sora, holding his head on Sora's shoulder. Sora laughed when he heard Roxas sniffle again.

"Okay, could you _not_ wipe your nose on my coat? Thanks." He stood up and picked Roxas up off of the bench. "You want to get something to drink? Like some coffee or something?" Roxas nodded, smiling while wiping his eyes. "Cool. Come on. I know this really nice little place not too far from here." He wrapped an arm around, a little voice in the back of his head saying, _'Hypocrite.' _

_Riku gasped, afraid to turn around. Where was Axel? Where were the cops who must've been watching the security cameras outside the club? Why wasn't anyone coming to help him when there was quite clearly a man with a knife to his throat? He cried out, desperately trying to alert anyone who might be listening, or just anyone within earshot. The man dug the knife into his throat a little. _

_ "Try that again and I go for your fucking jugular." Riku gasped again. He recognized the low, husky voice. It was a voice he had once loved, a voice that he had heard cry out in the heat of passion. He choked the name out, it now seeming like a foreign tongue he had long since forgotten. _

_ "S-Squall?" Riku said shakily. His attacker shuddered at the mention of his former name, and dropped the knife. Riku turned around, knowing the moment he saw the man's face, that his fears had been assured. This man was indeed Squall Leonhart, his former best friend and ex-boyfriend. He looked older now, and definitely more dangerous. His formerly unblemished face now had a jagged cut running down the middle, and a weary look lay across his previous _

_ Squall stumbled backwards, his formerly loving eyes shaken with fear and trepidation. "Riku?" Riku nodded faintly. Squall's eyes widened, and for a moment looked as he had those many years ago, when he had loved Riku so dearly. But then his gaze lost its luster and he stared crossly at Riku. _

_ "It's Leon now, you fag." He said, almost hurt. He ran down the alleyway, and disappeared out of sight and Riku's life. _

Riku woke with a start, his face coated with a fine sweat. He ran a shaking hand through his silver tresses. How long had it been since that fateful night had haunted his subconscious? He sighed, trying to settle his thoughts. The light of afternoon flooded his eyes, and his clock said 3:52. A smell of something delicious invaded his senses. He fleetingly wondered if he was mistaken, and was at someone else's home now. However, the Styrofoam cup on his bureau he had spent the night staring at proved him otherwise. He got out of bed and pulled on his robe sloppily, wondering faintly if that was his apartment that was making that delightfully charred smell. As he neared the end of the corridor, he saw Axel, and was immediately relieved. The redhead was staring intently at the frying pan he was holding on the stovetop. Riku leaned against the entryway, waiting for the boy to recognize him. Axel looked over his shoulder, and immediately yelped, burning his hand on the frying pan.

"Shit!" He grasped his hand in pain. Riku rolled his eyes as he walked towards the first aid kit above his refrigerator. Axel elbowed him in the ribs. "Don't scare me like that!" Riku scoffed indignantly as he grabbed the gauze and tape out of the box.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't _you _the one who's breaking and entering here? Now come here, you big baby." He took hold of Axel's hand and began to wrap the gauze around his thumb. "Now, could you please tell me _why_ you're here? Aside from cooking me bacon, that is." Axel smirked, as if remembering a juicy secret.

"_Well_," he began, turning back to the frying pan and lowering the heat, "You'll never guess who I ran into while you were holed up here yesterday, inside a bottle of…" he smelled Riku's breath. "…vodka this time, or apple schnapps?"

Riku smiled wearily. "Peach." Axel smiled, although shaking his head disapprovingly.

"Peach, of course. Well, while you were drinking yourself to an early grave, I ran into that kid we picked up the other night. Can you hand me some paper towels?" Riku grabbed a roll of paper towels off of a dowel and handed them to Axel. "Thanks."

"Did you, now? _And_? What did he say?" Axel snickered as he shook the bacon from the pan and into a pile of paper towels.

"Well now, _that's_ where it gets interesting." He began to eat one of the pieces of bacon. "_He_ says that you kissed him, thus throwing his entire world out of orbit." Riku smiled as he reached for a piece of the savory breakfast meat.

"Wow, I'm glad I had the privilege. And so _you_ said…?" Axel shrugged.

"You know, the usual. Jesus, Riku, Catholic _and_ only eighteen. You really know how to pick 'em. So," he said, opening the refrigerator and grabbing a month-old jug of orange juice, "the question becomes, are you going to follow this one? I mean, I've never seen anyone make you smile like he did. I saw the look in your eyes when we were getting him in your car. The last one to make you _really_ smile was…hmm… Leon--"

"Squall." Riku interrupted. "You know, I dreamt about him last night. The one when we were there in the alley."

Axel raised an eyebrow. "That's certainly interesting, but not an answer to my question." Riku sighed deeply.

"You are _such_ a bitch. I'm going to go find him. And you'd _better_ have food ready by the time I'm back, since you're playing housewife today." Axel stopped him.

"Uh-uh-uh. You're not going anywhere. You forget, that concert is tonight, and it's closing night in this area, and I am _not_ standing in one of those lines waiting for the rest of the stupid people in this city to get seated before me." Riku rolled his eyes.

"I'll be back before then."

"Oh, yeah. Of _course_ you will. I know you all too well. The second you step outside that door, you'll forget you have any commitments beside your own stupid emotions. I know. I was subject to them once." Riku groaned. "The concert starts in three hours. Go take a shower, and then we'll dig some dressy clothes out of your closet." Riku sighed.

"But Axel!" He pouted, but to no avail. Axel pointed towards the bathroom.

"Go!" Riku kicked at the floor like a child. Axel smiled at him, foreshadowing glittering in his eyes. "Besides, I've got backstage passes, and who knows? Your friend might just be there." Riku's eyes widened.

"Really?" Axel smiled.

"Maybe." Axel looked at Riku, whose eyes were now glittering with hope. "Jeez, you've got quite the crush on this one, don't you?"

"Maybe…"

Oo.oOo.oO

Sora lined up, running his fingers through his hair hastily before the concert began. Roxas looked back at him.

"Good luck, Sora!" Roxas' eyes looked so much brighter than they had only hours ago.

_ "Sora?" Roxas asked as he wiped the tears from his eyes. _

_ "Yeah?" Sora said as he sat back on Roxas' bed to tie one of his shoes. Roxas pulled on his dress shirt, convinced that the red in his eyes was no longer outstanding. _

_ "Is this how things are always going to be?" He sat down next to Sora, pulling on a pair of comfortable but dressy-looking shoes. "I mean, will I ever be able to go back to the way things used to be?" Sora got up and pulled Roxas with him. _

_ "I don't know. I guess, in the end, it's all your decision. I mean, if you _want_ to go back to being straight, you can. Not to sound cliché, but you can be anything you want." Roxas laughed. _

_ "I think you kind of failed at not sounding cheesy. But I get it. Sora?" He looked into Sora's eyes, confusion swimming beneath his retinas. "I think, if I had the choice, I would want things to stay just like they are right now." He looked at Sora guiltily, who in answer simply smiled warmly and opened the door. _

_"Come on, or we're going to be late." Sora said, throwing Roxas his jacket. _

"Good luck to you, too, Roxas." Roxas smiled cheesily. The blonde turned back around as the line began to move. Sora exhaled nervously. "Here we go…" he whispered under his breath.

The crowd erupted in applause as the choir marched onto the antiquated Victorian stage. Sora smiled, all fear melting out of his stomach and being replaced with an eager ecstasy. He surveyed the crowd, not seeing any familiar faces. He saw Kairi off in the wing, smiling shyly at him. Sora smiled back, then turned back to the audience as the music to the opening song began. As he opened his mouth to begin his solo and silence the audience, Sora caught a glimpse of silver in the front row. Riku was looking up at him, as if entranced by every one of Sora's movements. Axel sat next to him, simply enjoying being in such a large event.

Sora began singing, a powerful driving force filling his throat as his voice echoed through the auditorium, mingling freely with the piano's complex chords. As the peak of the section neared, Sora's voice increased in volume and grace. Hitting his final note, he felt slightly dejected as the rest of the choir joined in, drowning out his voice. He stepped back and joined in as the second verse ended, and lip synced through the next song, until he saw the house lights lift in the theater, signaling the beginning of the first intermission. Sora shuffled back into the wings, being greeted by a beautiful-looking Kairi.

"You were so _perfect_!" She wrapped her arms around him, laughing affectionately. Sora hugged her in return, smiling.

"Thanks, Kairi." He unwrapped his arms as he spotted Roxas in the crowd. Walking towards him, Sora spotted a familiar silver haired beauty. "Riku?" Riku waved at him, almost sheepishly. Roxas looked at him, confused.

"You know him?" Sora nodded.

"He was the one who picked me and took me home when I lost you that night." He turned to Riku. "What happened to Axel?" Riku pointed over to Axel, who was chatting softly with Cloud, the choral leader. Roxas stared at the boy, looking suddenly very, very hungry. "Roxas." Sora whispered sharply, reminding the blonde of where he was. Roxas cleared his throat embarrassedly.

Sora spoke. "So, what're you doing here?" Riku shrugged.

"Axel dragged me here. Afterwards, I was going to go have some dinner. Want to come with?" Sora began to answer as the sound of shuffling feet began to halt. "Shit! It's starting!" Sora pulled him by the hand.

"Come with me." Sora pulled the silver-haired boy through the wings and down one of the staircases to the sides of the stage. "Thank God you're in the front row." Sora pointed to Riku's seat. "Meet me backstage after the show. I'd love to pick up some dinner." Riku smiled widely.

"Okay." Riku hugged Sora. "Good luck." Sora smiled a bit stiffly.

"Thanks." Sora rushed onto the stage, passing Cloud on his way down to the pit. Sora quickly mouthed the word "bathroom" to the choral director before joining the rest of the choir on the stage. Cloud stood up and spoke for a few minutes about the piece they were about to sing, Handel's Messiah, and how it was such a popular piece at the time. Sora rolled his eyes. The piece wasn't all that special. It was just some quick sixteenth notes. Finally, Cloud stopped praising the chorus' efforts in putting together a concert, and the piano began again, this time accompanied by several violins and a woodwind that Sora couldn't quite place. As the chorus entered, it was easy to tell that the entire hall was intent on watching them, and that not even Riku seemed bored by the event. The time drifted away from Sora as he sang everything out. It was, after all, his last show.

_'My last show…'_ The realization hit him hard. They'd be leaving in the afternoon the next day. Tonight would be the last chance he had with Riku. _'A chance for_ what_, exactly?' _the small voice in the back of his consciousness responded. _'There is nothing for you with him. No chances for any future. You can't fall in love. Not with him.'_ Sora's expression darkened at the thought of falling in love with the Adonis he had come to know Riku as. It was almost painful to think that he'd have to live without the boy's complex New York attitude, without that beautifully teasing smirk, without those harshly striking eyes.

The concert ended surprisingly quickly to Sora. _'They skipped the second intermission? Awesome!' _He rushed up to Cloud as the people began to clear from the theater. "Cloud?"

The blond turned around, his crisp, blue eyes reminding Sora of Riku and accelerating his need to find the boy. "What's up, Sora? Oh, and great job on your solo, by the way. No squeaking this time." Sora smiled.

"Thanks. Um, do you mind if I have dinner with a friend tonight? Like, outside of the hotel? Especially since we _are_ leaving tomorrow." Cloud sighed, defeated.

"You're not going to leave me alone if I say no, are you?" Sora shook his head. Cloud laughed. "Fine. That's fine. Just as long as you're back to the hotel in time for curfew. And trust me, if you come back late, Kairi will be on you like white on rice tomorrow, even when you go to the bathroom." Sora laughed.

"Thanks, Cloud!" Sora ran up the side stairs and into the wings of the stage, going backstage, where he caught a glimpse of the cutest scene he'd seen in a while. Axel held Roxas' cheeks with his palms, cradling the boy softly in his arms. Sora coughed, softly breaking up the two. "So! You two…have met?" Roxas nodded, blushing.

"Well, just now, actually. I sort of…ran into Axel a second ago. We're going to head back to the hotel now. Axel is going to help me pack up." Sora raised an eyebrow. "We_ are_!" Roxas said adamantly, although his cheeks told another story.

"Uh-huh. Well, I'm going to go meet Riku so we can get some dinner." Sora began to exit. As he got outside, Roxas ran outside to join him, passing Sora his jacket. "So…you only came out…" he looked at his watch. "… _Four_ hours ago, and already you're a total slut. How do you feel, Roxas?" The boy blushed.

"It didn't start out that way! I swear! I just ran into him, and we talked for a couple of minutes, and then he hugged me and told me I did a good job, and I just…didn't let go." Sora laughed.

"Well, I'm happy for you." Roxas looked down sadly.

"Well, _I'm_ not. It doesn't matter what happens with Axel, or _could _happen with Axel. We leave tomorrow afternoon. Did you realize that any connections we make will have to be severed when we leave?" Sora swallowed down the sad expression that threatened to surface.

"Yeah…I did. That's why I'm going with Riku tonight. We haven't had time to actually talk." Roxas looked at him knowingly. Sora's eyes widened, his cheeks flaming.

"W-What? What is it?" Sora said, trying desperately to sound nonchalant. Roxas laughed.

"You sound like you're in _love_ with the boy." Sora laughed at that, almost a little too enthusiastically, because Roxas fixed him with a confused look.

"I'll see you later, Roxas. Stay safe with Axel." Sora said, winking at Roxas as he walked away from him.

Roxas shouted at Sora from down the street. "P-Pervert!" He yelled, though even from the distance away Sora was from him, he could see that the blonde's cheeks were as red as cherry tomatoes.

Stepping out from the alley and out in front of the theater, Sora could see a glitter of silver standing in front of a very beat-up car. Sora called out to the boy. "Riku!" Sora ran to the silver-haired teen and gave him a friendly hug. "So, where did you want to have dinner?" Riku gestured for Sora to get in the car.

"Well," Riku began as he turned the key in the ignition, "we could do and old-fashioned, Metropolitan dinner, or a dim, Bohemian bistro. That's what's nice about New York. You can get anything here. What do _you_ feel like? You're the one we're celebrating tonight." Sora put his finger to his lips, thinking about the matter. After a few moments, Sora spoke again.

"Well, I feel like something simple, and cheap. So, how about a sandwich at a nice little café?"

Riku smiled. "It's like you were reading my mind. Hang on here." He said as he pulled a sharp right. Sora gripped his seat as he swayed towards the left. When the car finally balanced out again, he started the conversation again.

"So, when I was coming out of the theater to meet you, you'll never believe what I saw." Riku raised an eyebrow, urging Sora to continue. "I saw Roxas and Axel, just standing there, hugging! It was so adorable!" Riku laughed.

"Yeah, Axel is kind of adorable, in his own creepy way. When we were still dating, he used to _purr,_ I shit you not." Sora laughed, a tinge of envy staining his giggles.

Riku looked at the brunette oddly. "Jealous, Sora?" Sora shook his head adamantly, although a shade of pink graced his cheeks.

"Of course not!" He swiped a glance at Riku, looking for a trace of dejection. However, there was nothing. "So, what other crazy people have you dated?"

"We're here." Riku pointed out as he parked in front of a small-looking restaurant. Pulling the key from the ignition, he opened the door. "Come on." Sora opened his door and followed. As they entered the building, a groovy little place called the Atomic Café, Riku spoke again. "Sora, I could tell you all of them, but we'd be here all night. I have had so many crazy lovers, it would astound you." They sat down in a booth, the raspy, sultry voice of some jazz artist floating through the air.

"Tell me a couple, at least." Sora pleaded. A waiter approached the table and handed menus to the two boys. Sora gave his back without looking at it. "I already know what I want. Could I please have a grilled cheese sandwich with a root beer?" The waiter smiled warmly at him.

"Sure, kid. And you sir? Something to drink?" Riku took a quick look at the back of his menu before speaking.

"I'll just have a seltzer water for now." The waiter nodded, his long brown hair rustling.

"Sure." As the server walked away, Sora turned back to Riku.

"So? I'm dying to hear this now. Who were you three most crazy lovers?"

Riku pretended to think about it. "Well, the award for the kinkiest boyfriend I've ever had definitely goes to Demyx. He was this kid I met after I had been living in New York for, oh, maybe…three years? So anyway, I meet him at this club; he's in the band. So I think, 'Oh, well, I've never been with a musician before.' So I took him home with me, and, ew." He shuddered. "The boy liked his water sports. It was the creepiest sex I've ever, _ever_ had. I had to take a shower afterwards because of feeling just so _filthy_." Sora shuddered.

"That's so disgusting!" Riku nodded vehemently.

"I _told_ you. Oh!" Riku started laughing. "I just remembered this really _terrible_ relationship I got myself in. I don't even remember how it got started. But, anyway, it was this really whiny girl, who would just mope around the school all day—that's it! I met her in high school, through some of her friends—this was when I was still straight. Anyway, so the first time we have sex, she starts crying in the middle of it. And so I ask, 'should I stop?' and she says, 'no, I'm just _so happy!_' If I wasn't _inside _her, I would've backed out of the room slowly." Sora howled with laughter.

The waiter came back with a platter. "Would you like to order something, sir?" He asked Riku as he passed Sora the grilled cheese and root beer. Riku nodded.

"Sure. Can I just have a platter of French fries?" The server nodded.

"Cool. That'll be about three minutes."

Riku nodded. "That's fine." Turning back to Sora, Riku's expression turned slightly darker. "But, I guess, the absolute _worst _relationship I ever got myself into was with a kid named Squall Leonhart. He was my first gay lover, and for a long time, I thought he'd be the last. We had been best friends since pre-school. Then during elementary school, we went our separate ways. But when we met again in high school, it was just like it had been, only we were older, and more in tune with our sexualities.

"So, we started experimenting with stuff in our junior years. You know, jacking off together, nothing serious or anything. But it was the most fun I have ever had with another person. Anyway, we get to our senior year, and I find out, through my own guesswork, that Squall had been…fucking around with other guys. So I was going to confront him with it, and the day that I'm going to, he tells me he wants to break up. _Two years_, and just like that, he wanted to break up. It hurt me so _badly_. So I found the two of them together, and I did _the_ worst possible thing I could do." Sora looked at him, mesmerized.

"Riku? Y-you didn't…?" Sora trailed off, not wanting to think about it.

"No, nothing _that_ bad. Let's just say I'm a _real_ good photographer." He laughed wryly. "I caught them in the park, doing things that _I_ had taught Squall, and I took the pictures to the boy's loving mother and father. Turns out that he came from a good, wholesome, Catholic home. I told them that they should keep their son on a leash."

The waiter returned briefly to give Riku his fries. "Thanks. Anyway," he said, turning back to Sora, "The kid got kicked out of his house, since he had been living there since he got out of high school, and Squall's life just went south. None of _my_ doing, but still terrible." He looked off into space for a moment, as if he had remembered what he was going to say, but now wondered about whether he really wanted to say it.

"In fact, he turned up in New York once. Maybe. I can't really remember. It was so long ago, that it kind of blurs now, and I can't remember if it was a dream or reality. But he found me, and he actually held me up, not knowing who I was. And I turned around, and there he was! … So many thoughts went through my head. I wanted to hold him; I wanted to take him home…although, truthfully, part of me still wanted to dropkick him in the mouth. But I think, most of all, I just wanted things back the way they had been before, you know? When we had been happy with just each other's company."

Sora grabbed Riku's hand from across the table. "You know what's awful?"

Riku lifted his head from the contemplative state it had been previously. "What?" Sora swallowed some tears.

"I have to leave tomorrow. And I'm going to miss everything about this city. I'm going to miss the skyscrapers, my hotel room, Rockefeller Center. But the thing I'm going to miss the most is definitely you." He sniffled, but continued, though his voice was choked and cracking. "I'm going to miss how I knew I couldn't be with you. I'm going to miss how easy it was to let myself slip, to open up to you about everything. I'm going to miss how you lent me your coat and I never gave it back. I'm going to miss how your eyes catch the light when you smile. But I'm mostly going to miss just how easy it was for me to fall in love with you, despite all the consequences." He broke down, his tears reddening his eyes. Riku got up and sat down beside him, grabbing his tissue as he went.

"Look at me." Sora lifted his head, the tears still going. Riku began wiping Sora's eyes dry. "Now, you're going to go home tomorrow. Nothing can help that. And you're going to forget me. Trust me, to hold onto a memory like that would hurt too much. There." He felt along Sora's cheek, feeling guilty for taking advantage of the confused boy, but enjoying the silk-soft skin. "If I have to play the martyr for you to be happy, so be it. You're better off without me. You don't deserve to be as hurt as you would if you were with m--" Riku's words were cut off by Sora's mouth pressing against his.

Sora pressed hard against his elder's lips, feeling all the barriers break. Riku fell backward, out of the booth. "S-Sora…" He raised his fingers to his lips. Sora smiled as he dug a twenty dollar bill out of his pocket.

"Let's go." He picked Riku up off the ground and pulled him into a kiss yet again, savoring the taste of his lips. As they left the café, Riku returned to his senses.

"Wait, where are we going?"

Sora shrugged. "Does it matter?"

Oo.oOo.oO

Riku fumbled with his keys as they entered his apartment. Sora kissed him deeply, breathing life into his soul. Riku closed the door behind him, pinning Sora up against a wall. _'Oh, those_ lips!_'_ Riku could barely contain himself as his left hand left Sora's chest and moved to his crotch. The boy moaned, a little overly powerfully. Riku simply continued with his ministrations, unfazed by the outcry. He had heard worse.

Sora turned to putty in Riku's hands, letting the boy unzip his pants. A small voice was putting up a protest to these actions, but Sora wasn't listening. Riku kissed him, ferocity entering his bloodstream, enhancing the kiss ten-fold. Sora's eyelids fluttered, his lips tingling. Riku led him down on his soft black leather sofa, roughly pulling off Sora's pants, caressing and kneading his hips. The brunette, in return, was busy unbuttoning Riku's dress shirt. Sora hyperventilated, his senses overwhelming him. This was perfect; _this_ was heaven. Here, in New York, with the love of his life on top of him, holding him harshly, pulling his boxers off savagely…Sora gasped as he felt Riku's needy hands caressing his member. He ran his fingers through his elder's hair. "Riku…" He purred. The voice in the back of his head protested again, this time a little louder, telling him to stop, that what he was doing was wrong in every way. Sora simply ignored, too taken with Riku's ecstatic motions to care about anything else.

Riku's hand continued to move, sliding up and down on Sora's manhood with increasing intensity, Sora beneath him, arching helplessly. Wave after wave of frightful pleasure washed over him, causing his voice to ring out in words of praise. The brunette loved this, needed this. Riku was what he had been missing this entire time. His heart beat in time with the thrusting of Riku's hand. Sora felt a powerful orgasm welling inside of him. He shuddered, letting the shockwaves roll over him. This sudden rush sent a wake-up call to his senses. The voice now screamed at him, clear as crystal, that he was forever marked, that there was no saving him from Hell. Sora shook, tears tricking out of his eyes for the second time that night. _'What have I _done_?!' _He jumped up, pulling himself out of Riku's now-gentle grasp. "Get away from me!" He grabbed his pants as Riku looked up at him desperately from the couch.

"Sora…" Riku's voice was barely above a whisper as Sora pulled on his pants roughly, not caring about his boxers. He looked at Riku, _his_ Riku, the perfect image of love.

Sora spoke, his voice heavy and choke with tears no one could wipe away but him. "I'm sorry, Riku…I thought I could, but I couldn't…" He ran out the door and into the corridor, shattering Riku's perfect image.

Sora ran down the emergency staircase, which, luckily for him, didn't sound off. He just kept running, desperately seeking some solace from this pain he felt in his heart. He ran out of the apartment building at the bottom of the staircase, relieved with the feeling of the cool night air on his cheeks. Sora checked his watch; it read 11:59 PM. _'So much for curfew…'_ Sora thought wryly. He looked around him, desperately needing a sign to tell him where to go. His train of thought was interrupted by the sounding of church bells. Sora turned around, noticing a large cathedral across the street from Riku's apartment. Sora rolled his eyes. _'Well, that's a damned good sign…'_ He thought dryly as he shuffled toward the church. The church windows were beginning to frost over. Sora pushed open one of the doors, half-expecting the church to be closed, but surprised that there was still a small area for confessions, clearly open. Sora slid through two rows of pews before reaching the small, oak booth. He stepped in and closed the door.

"Forgive me, my Father, for I have sinned."

"Speak, my child." The voice from the other side of the screen was calming and soft, like someone's grandfather.

"Father, I allowed myself to be taken by another man." There was a short silence, then a small release of air, as if the priest was sighing.

"Then speak the Acts of Contrition, and by them you shall be absolved."

"But, Father, I…I believe that I would allow myself to be taken again, if the occasion ever arose again. And—and I don't know if I truly regret my actions. I may actually be in…in _love._" There was a silence on the other side of the screen, then a terse, but patient response.

"Well, my child, God can do nothing more until you can state that you are sorry for your sins, and swear to never repeat these actions again." Sora nodded, although tears were stinging his eyes.

"Yes, Father. I understand." He stepped out of the confessional, shaking and unsure of himself. He rubbed his eyes. _'So that's it, then…'_

Sora rushed out into the winter night again, and began to walk towards the hotel. _'So, there's nothing I can do to save myself, except to give up the person I…love?' _Sora groaned in frustration with himself. He was not only half an hour ago ready to give up his religion and his virginity to this boy who, not only did he not know anything about, but one that he didn't even know if he _loved_! Sora ran his trembling fingers through his hair, knowing what he had to do. _'I have to leave. I have to forget Riku. It was dumb to think that I could fall in love. We're both _**guys**._ Not to mention that I'm a fucking _**choir**_ boy!'_ Sora groaned out towards the night sky. _'I was just confused with myself…I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know what I was doing without a girlfriend in my life, and Riku was there, and I got confused.'_ He sighed in a mix of relief and gloom, slightly less weighted by this rationalization, but still feeling unfulfilled. _'I wish I could've at least said goodbye to him, though…' _Sora thought, but some part of him, deep down, wished even harder that he could've stayed in Riku's apartment. Some part of him wished he never had to leave.

**AN: If you get a chance, please do review! Thanks!**


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